"Positive thinking isn't about expecting the best to happen every time but, accepting that whatever happens is the best for this moment, this day."
I arrived home from the hospital around 4:30 Friday. It is a strange feeling expecting to feel different but feeling the same. I kept expecting for something to happen, a nervous anticipation. We usually celebrate Good Friday with our dear friends who we affectionately refer to as K and K. Cam was at their house with the Buche boys, three brothers who are truly like brothers to him. We decided to collect Jordan from her girlfriends and because I felt well enough, let's go with our original plan until my body tells me otherwise. It was so wonderful to be in a full house, with lots of action and good feelings. I am forever grateful for what they bring to our lives. We enjoyed an awesome dinner of baked salmon, basmati rice, asparagus and fresh bread. We had a great visit and I felt surrounded by love and laughter. After dinner, my tummy was starting to get a little queasy and cramped up. I expected that something was going to happen. Everyone knew that when it was time to go, the exit towards the door would happen quickly. We graciously left, thanking them for a wonderful few hours. I took my next set of medications and got myself set up in bed, i-pad, phone, Netflix really can Good Friday after a great meal get any better? Well no soon enough, I was fast asleep. Woke up for a nausea medication around 10:00 pm, and slept straight until 6:00 am, then again until 9:00 am. I awoke with little to no nausea. My body needed all that rest and I felt pretty good. I definitely notice a metallic taste in my mouth along with a very dry mouth sensation. A mild headache that Tylenol took care of. Today is a day for reading and reflecting on the mountain of information I have received about Hodgkins. Mundane tasks of laundry and tidying are keeping me busy and I appreciate having the strength to do those things. The sun is shining and we are going to go for a short walk soon. I will take each day as it comes. Knowing from my conversations with the knowledgeable nurses, the next few days will be perhaps a peak of the fatigue that I may be feeling but everyone responds so differently that possibly that won't happen in the same way for me. There are quite a few pre-cautions and things I need to watch for and have been given strict instructions to go directly to emergency for, particularly if I have a fever at all over 38.0 C. This is why it is so important that not only myself and my family practice handwashing and sanitizing religiously. It is also very very important due to the nature of my cancer and immune system as my white blood cell counts will drop dangerously that I do not come into contact with infection. Our visitors will need to be careful to use hand sanitizer when they come in our house and we are not able to have anyone over with a cold or who has been sick. They could not stress enough to me. Which is why there was not any discussion with the Oncologist about my stopping work during chemotherapy. The risks are far too high. As he said, in a supportive, caring manner, "You don't have a choice, you want to live".
I am happy to report that the right side of my neck which has been very painful and tender to touch, no longer hurts all. I can even confidently say that it feels like the lumps have shrunk a bit. There is definitely way less pain!! Under my arm where the biopsy was is definitely healing fine, the swelling has gone down and it doesn't seem quite as achy. Part of me wonders whether this is all wishful thinking in my head but I will take it!!
I take this journey one day at a time, uncharted territory. Thank you for your continue love and prayers this Easter weekend. Give thanks for your health, you family and how blessed we truly are.