I stood at Descendant's Brewery and looked out over 80+ of my closest friends and family. The music was playing our favourite songs, there was laughter, everywhere people who crossed into my life were hugging, so many hugs between people who I brought together, who were friends, who were acquaintances. All of these amazing people in one room, to celebrate ME.
It was one of the most humbling experiences.
On Saturday, February 8, 2020. We hosted a fundraiser to raise money for the HopeSpring Cancer Support Centre. It was to recognize that I celebrated five-years in remission for Hodgkins Lymphoma. I am pleased to share that we raised $2500 and counting. Our closest friends and family came together and I can't express the gratitude for this evening. It is surreal, to look out and see all of "your people" in one room. The love for my family, my kids saw all of this village who helped raise them all in one room. Pretty incredible.
I was fortunate enough to have two close friends speak on my behalf. Dave Ryan one of my closest friends from childhood opened the evening. We have been friends for over 35 years. I can't thank him enough, he captured exactly the message that we wanted, Pay It Forward.
Carole Schwartz closed the speeches, her humour and love and how she recognized our family touched my heart. I would have never been able to get through those hard days without her. Really the past 30 years without her. They say everything happens for a reason and I truly believe that. Carole and my husband were both off work during my treatment and I can't thank God enough for placing them there for me. Carole also booked and donated the cost of the music for the venue and they were amazing, it was perfect. The Mark Smith Experience were exactly what our crowd needed. I can't thank Carole enough for her friendship.
I want to post the words that I said that evening as I feel like they capture my spirit and the message that I wanted to give. I wish that someone would have videotaped it as I was so proud of my strength, poise and how I controlled my emotions. I really just wanted to convey my gratitude to everyone in the room. So here it is.
As many of you know, I write a blog titled “REALLY? My Journey with Hodgkins Lymphoma. When I found myself sitting at the Grand River Cancer Centre, you find yourself asking, like Really? Is this really happening to me? And right now I am asking myself something similar, like who has the opportunity to have all their people together in one room??? REALLY? How blessed and grateful am I for this?
To me this journey has been a gift. An opportunity handed to our family to truly realize the impact that the support of family, colleagues and friends can make. What it means to be grateful, to be humble, to accept help and to have a chance to keep paying it forward.
My children were witness to the rally of the troops, the meals, drives to hockey and gymnastics, the anonymous cards in the mail. Work colleagues who shuttled our daughter to her gymnastics training, and coaches who covered fees for our kids. They would ask, who made this meal Mom? Who sent those flowers? Who is taking me to my game? They always wanted to know the person or family it came from, the PEOPLE mattered to them. Cam and Jordan saw tears and hugs, milestone celebrations, family who took them for playdates and sleepovers, MOTYS who stepped forward to be second moms to my kids, they saw how much their Dad took care of me, and they saw that every tradition continued, nothing changed, we celebrated with our friends from yurting, foo fahs, birthdays, christmas eve, weddings, and as much of normal life carried on, and a piece of advice that I remembered We showed up even when it was hard.
Each and every one of you in this room has played a role in supporting myself, my husband, my kids, our families. There are many important friends and colleagues in my life who met me after cancer, and your support in allowing me to be honest, to admit that it isn’t easy, that I had anxiety, post-trauma stress, these people shared in celebrations every six months that I was clear, your support is equally impactful. There are no words to express our gratitude to all of you.
All of you have done these acts of kindness that I have described to you, because you have all been touched by struggles or you have had other angels supporting you - not only because of cancer but the daily realities of life. In supporting our family, you are all paying it forward, you are exemplifying unconditional kindness and many it is without recognition. This was our family’s turn to benefit from you. And now it is my turn to continue giving. I made a promise to myself that I would pay it forward every chance I had, when I became a survivor.
It is not only the people in our lives who provided us shelter and love, there are organizations in our community, all in existence through donations and volunteers, others who are giving back.
Hopespring Cancer Support Centre is the first place I walked into as an official cancer patient. I remember thinking when I registered there, I had never even heard of this place. I received a brochure at the hospital along with the mountain of other paperwork and heard they had a wig boutique. Before I started treatment, looking back, losing my hair was originally such a huge thing but in reality, it became a sign that the treatment was working to me and I embraced it.
Carole and I walked into that wig boutique and after the initial tears and a feeling that I can’t believe we are actually here, looking for wigs. I am at a place called HopeSpring? Wig shopping, something I kind of dreaded, became a positive experience, thanks to a wonderful volunteer Angie. I walked out of there feeling ready, I was going to lose my hair and this wig was so amazing that no one would even know,. Angie, ended up continuing to call me and check-in and see how I was doing, months into my treatment.
As I went through chemotherapy treatment, I’m not going to lie, there were some pretty dark days. It was hard. Maintaining a positive attitude was something I tried to do. But there were days where the only people who truly knew what you were going through were others going through cancer treatment or recovering. And if I wanted to be mad, or anxious, or cry or feel terrible with them. I felt that was ok.
There are a few special people who became my unofficial cancer support group. It is through these individuals, that I was encouraged to join a Gentle Yoga and Yoga Thrive Group at Hopespring. Once a week for months we came together to stretch our bodies, learn what yoga can do for our stress and to slowly gain our strength back. To be together. To share our stories. To me, it was once again “showing up even when it was hard” as I soon learned, being a survivor was much harder than being a patient in many ways. It gave me a place to go, to be out of the house instead of hiding at home, at a time when there was a lot of waiting between appointments and anxiety over learning if I had beat this disease. One other way that Hopespring not only helped me, to be introduced to navigating the world with cancer but also recovering from it as well. The beginning and the end. And there are so many things they offer to those in-between
At one point, several years ago, Hopespring almost closed for lack of donations, due to many factors, a lack of awareness and rising costs of renting space. Programs were cut and they lost their location. They are now located at the Inn of Waterloo - formally the Waterloo Motor Inn. They offer such a wide range of opportunities, yoga for all stages of treatment and recovery, water yoga, reiki, massage therapy, support groups for teens, spouses, children, those diagnosed. They offer counselling for those living with loss. There are brochures available with their programs and if you have not already made a donation, there is a box, or forms or an online link that you can use. I felt that this was the perfect opportunity to recognize a local organization who made such a difference in my life, and eventually the lives of others close to me. Future cancer patients, my friends.
I want to close by sharing a story about the orchid flower. You may have noticed that it was on the invite. The orchid has been a symbol for me as it is a flower that blooms in adversity and then lies dormant, rebuilding strength and recovering only to flower once again. The conditions need to be just right for orchids to thrive. In my case, the conditions were right with my treatment and my outcome is the best one that we could have hoped for. We have had several orchids given to us by our friends and they thrived in our home, bloomed and re-bloomed many times over, with the right amount of care. My daughter Jordan and I got matching orchid tattoos for my birthday this year. She posted the following on Facebook and when I read what she wrote, I said to Jason, well that’s all I really need to say when we are at Descendants in February.
Jordan - I went on an exciting journey today with my Mom as we decided to get matching tattoos. This small orchid may seem just like a flower to some, but to us, it symbolizes courage, power and finding the strength to bloom again after continuously getting knocked down, no matter what life throws at us, this is a little reminder to us every day that we have people in our lives who love us, care for us and support us and would do anything in their power to make sure that we were okay. It is a bucket list item checked off and an experience that we will never forget and something we will always have with us. This is cancer recovery for my Mom.”
I would not have been able to summarize it any better. You are those people. All of you.
I love you Jordan, I love you Cam and most of all, my greatest fan, my loudest cheerleader, my husband Jason, the person who unconditionally took care of me, every appointment, the good news, the bad news, the middle of the night crying and intense pain. His love never-ending. As I said, cancer was a gift, I got to have months of time with my husband, who was off work my entire treatment, sitting on the deck, bird watching with our coffee, joking that this is a glimpse of our retired life, binge-watching Netflix, afternoon naps, walks down the street and long drives looking for our snowy owls. The care-giver is one who is often overlooked and I had one of the best, he never once let on that he was scared or worried, he was able to make me laugh, a joke maybe in the wrong place, but it was needed to take a worry down from a cliff. I honestly would never be able to pay it forward to him in the same way. Jason, I love you.
In closing, I would like to thank all those who came together to make tonight the special evening that it is. My MOTY group, this group of ladies are my rock. I would never get through the days, months and years without you, we have something very special. Hopespring Executive Director Jane Mitchell for taking the time to meet with me and hear my story, The Mark Smith Experience - awesome music, Forest of Flowers for the flowers, Descendants Brewery, for amazing food, drinks, location, our inner circle of friends, my built in family and planning committee, our parents Bob and Cathy, Ron and Diane, my brother, Jeff and his family for their love and support. Dave, one of my oldest, dearest friends, there is something about someone who has known where you have come from, And Carole, my best friend, my Christina to my Meredith. Your support has been unwavering.
Thank you all so much for making the time to come tonight to join us and support such a wonderful organization.
